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Destroying New Psychic Temples

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[02 Jun 2009|05:24pm]
I may never leave my house again except to meet someone interesting or to be with good friends. That is all. back to your regularly scheduled viewing.
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[24 May 2009|03:41am]
fun with marilyn tonight.

Also phone being shut off sucks. Sorry I havent called Traci we have lots to talk about soon
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[11 May 2009|08:07pm]
I know I know I am never on here since I started on twitter. Quick update for those who I dont talk to everyday or are on twitter. Lets see. Found a boy of my dreams I thought. He didnt think so about me apparently. Got dumped for being too smart and passionate after he asked me to move in with him. That lasted like 3 months of living there. Had roommate from hell. Moved to Fishtown with strangers who it seems are awesome and perfect roommates in a fucking beautiful house. Was upset the other night after being locked out of said guys house. walked home. Got mugged. Roughed up. Completely disassociated. Though I think according to when I txted Nick it was around 3rd and arch or vine. I have a cracked front tooth with an exposed nerve. I spend a lot of time with Joe and Joy, who have been amazingly supportive and really really helped me through this last month. Traci has also been a rock for me and her husband helped me get home safely all week with money to get a bus pass. This is awesome. I am reading a Peter Moon book which is...special... and james has also been amazing the past week. I am the press agent for machineKUNT records now. I have been talking to another guy I have been having a good time talking to like 3000 miles away. My documentary got derailed by life happening. I should recover from all this one day but til then I am surviving on ramen and water. I also am pretty damn sure I will never trust a man again. If I do it will take more convincing than he will probably be willing to put in. Hence i must give on on my lifelong dream of ever getting married and having a kid. I just fucking give up on that.No idea where my drive will come from next, cause thats all I have ever wanted...maybe I will find it maybe I wont. Til then I have to live day to day.
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[13 Jan 2009|06:00pm]
I am moving...again... This time I am moving in with my boyfriend Eric.  I will be living in South Philly around 5th and Washington.  I just cant live at the old place anymore. I thought I could turns out I am just not willing to be that strong.  Luckily I have found a boyfriend who treats me so well I pinch myself everyday.  I have never felt more beautiful or desired and he does all the little wonderful things I always wanted someone to do and some I never even considered. Part of me is scared.  Hell I should be this is crazy, but I have just fallen so hard for him. hes a chef at the Latest Dish off South Street, under Fluid Night club and a rockabilly DJ with a resident spot at the gothabilly night every tuesday.  I go some tuesdays but its also a nice time for me to be alone, listen to music and collect my thoughts. He tells me everyday how lucky he is to have me in his life and I tell him the same. I am just crazy about him.I am very sad to leave behind Siddhartha, my wonderful cat and the 56 inch tv I got used to and the very colorful paint. In exchange though I get a place I can sort of decorate, though not really in my crazy colorful style, a washer and dryer, a jacuzzi and the most wonderful man ever for me. Now I just need to get everything out by the 21st because James dosent want to pay for a full months rent for me.  Awesome after 5 years of working through being terribly ill to make ends almost meet.  Whatever perhaps he will be a better friend than lover.

Twitter: sassybritches
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[16 Dec 2008|06:36pm]

Ryan has been seeing a girl named jess like every free moment for a month now. God dishonesty drives me crazy. He so could have told me. Oh well. So it goes, I just got too used to the honesty between James and I even if it hurt. But I guess a hi, how's your day really isn't too much to ask afterall. I just regret that the first boy see after 5 years with the same person turned out like this.

On an awesome note just got word from anna and I am flying her in for new years!!! Awesome!!!!!

Oh by the time I wrote this (bout an hour later) I was already calm about Ryan. So I don't need any "are you ok" comments. I am fine and ready for friends and family to come visit.

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[15 Dec 2008|10:47pm]
One of the many reasons I adore Rachel Haywire is she says things like "If you want to be rivetkore I suggest you research the aesthetics of torture while reading Derrida backwards. Then you can come to me with your intellectual cunt waving. " to me.  She makes me happy.  Granted this is after her calling me autistic, which is laughable.  Obsessive of course, but not autistic.  Anyway shift is nearly over I will make a post soon.
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[12 Dec 2008|04:13am]
One of these days I am going to get the balls to have the courage to stop being wistful and realize if I am right to be wistful.  I dont really care if that made sense to anyone other than those closest to me.  But fuck I need money and balls.  And it would be awesome to know if I am right to want it so badly.  But as it is, its all I can think about.
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why i love www.someecards.com [09 Dec 2008|04:31am]

ok I wasted way too much of tonight on this site...

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[06 Dec 2008|08:16pm]

Octavios tea was quite fun.  yup.  just wish d_e_m  had been in philly last night.  I had so much fun with him while he was here for Thanksgiving.  I am at work now and wondering why i still feel so good.  I am guessing i have a rough day ahead tomorrow.  Looks like I am hanging out watching bad movies tomorrow.  If you want to come by for movies and turkey I will be home.  I am so not moving from the futon though.
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KULTure SHoCK! FRI DEC 5TH TONITE ! PHILA [05 Dec 2008|03:36pm]

I better see you there! PS I need a ride at 11 from work if you can...Collapse )
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[04 Dec 2008|05:53pm]

Yay for ramblings on courvioser, painkillers and adderall about what I want. Next is the intention focused on my ramblings.

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[04 Dec 2008|04:29am]
I had such an amazing week with_haywire_  and havent laughed so hard with the same person in a very very long time.  I hung out with some people I have wanted to see both at all and out of the clubs/bars for the first time in years.  I remembered this week what I used to feel around my friends.  I know I have been out a lot lately and you guys have been great but I distanced myself for years and I am opening up again.  This is about the time that I usually inadvertently get my heart broken because i am so open with people.  I need to try to be more careful this time I am opening up. 
I got a root canal this past monday...well the first part...and I was in so much pain I was popping valium because i ran out of my usual painkiller.  I did not enjoy it I am so happy to have tramadol again.  I hate feeling so lost for control of my brain.  It just goes way too slow on that shit for my patience.  I cant imagine always being so slow mentally.  What a horrible way to live. 
Lately I have been super wistful.  What if I told this person how I felt when I had the change years ago?  Why did I let great opprotunities slip by?  What would happen if I traveled for another person?  Would it be good or fuck up the relationship?  Should I follow my heart where it takes me or stay where I am comfortable and have a great support system set up?    I am talking about multiple opprotunities here.  Some I like the idea more of and some are more feasible. 
The only thing I know for sure is theres a fire under my ass to get started on working up this documentary.  I actually dream of things like monte cazazza giving me his first interview since 1979.  And fascist hats.  The project is occupying all my mind not dedicated to earthly pleasures lately.  I want to be super picky about my earthly pleasures though.  I used to just go for anything that looked good that very second.  Now I am older and think through it so much sometimes I miss my opprotunity.
This stream of consciousness is proably confusing but I have had a long euphoric day.  We laughed so hard at work my belly almost still hurts. 
magickCollapse )
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[29 Nov 2008|08:41pm]

"I only caught half of what you said, but I am sure it was insightful."

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[27 Nov 2008|10:46pm]

Listening to Xtc and reading Kafka is incongrous in a marvelous way.

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Philcon [24 Nov 2008|01:52am]

Yesterday was incredible. Seeing _haywire_ and d_e_m was great. Went to a few panels on science not so much on fiction. It was awesome to hang out with people willing to go to something like that with me. The one on physics we were like 45 min late to and Rachel went in yelling "Fuck physics". This may be my new way to toast people at least for a little while. Wed is the biggest club night of the year and I am looking forward to going to shampoo and perhaps seeing them again. Cara and not jeremy came around as well. We went to a party with a bunch of panelists and found out I could get grant money to make the documentary I want to make and heard from a bonafide physicist who happens to be a creationist. He said there's no hard proof no solid scientific nonspeculative data going back more than 10,000 years old. I wish I had more time to discuss it with him but he had to crash, I did have fun at dinner discussing Sartre, Descartes, Wittgenstein and porn with Rachel and some panelists. Rachel and I were like giddy little schoolgirls, we even jumped on the bed. My face actually hurt
from smiling so much. I really need
more nights like that with smart fun funny sexy people. Now I am watching across the universe, I love this movie. I wish I had a teleporter, life would be so much better and easier. Anyway I was supposed to make a turkey today but decided to catch up on sleep and tv instead. Haha guess I have to do it before work tues or wed instead.

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[13 Nov 2008|08:07am]
I cant see a doctor until tomorrow.  But I do have a noon appointment.
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[13 Nov 2008|06:44am]
I missed getting a morning appointment by 3 minutes.  Of course I took an extra ritilan to keep myself awake to get there.  Now I have to call at 8 am and pray they can make me an afternoon appointment.  I have an exposed nerve and its very very very painful.  I will most definitly have to miss work for this.  Possibly 2 days in a row since the first appointment is for xrays and cancer screening and history and stuff.  And costs $90 for the first appointment and god knows how much for the actual work, but at any dentist office it would cost at least $2000, so I have to suck it up and keep whole cloves in my mouth  and drink through straws.  I just pray I can make it in today.  After the weeks of panic attacks and throwing up I lost a massive chunk of my tooth despite my nurotic dental hygene.  Now I lost another small piece and it exposed the nerve.  I dont think I will be able to pay rent unless my mom pays for the treatment.  I was waiting because mom said my aunt marie was going to pull some strings for me with someone in her congregation, but never heard about it again.  Now I am fucked.  Thank god for tramadol and cloves.  Looks like a kolonopin day as well.  wish me luck.
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[13 Nov 2008|02:29am]
Looks like I need an emergency root canal.  Fuck.  This means waiting in the cold at 6 am at penns dental school.
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[30 Oct 2008|06:53pm]

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[28 Oct 2008|01:58am]
I am actually pretty happy these days.  I still have my fears but overall its getting better.  I havent even been sick in over a week.
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